I will get to the title of this blog in a minute..first i have to catch things up
I wanted to work yesterday but due to the fact i pigged out on LOTS of food over the weekend,lets just say that doing shows would have been a bad idea since i do anal in my shows. Without sounding gross,i didnt want to do shows and then..ehem..things become messy. I have some making up to do though..and lots of work to be done...do housework and laundry,wash my hair,do a new video and upload it THEN start work and shows. After im done recording this entry im gonna get started on that laundry...husband may not care for that since hes still half asleep but i cant wait until noon to get the ball rolling..too much to do..all of it will take too long.
I am happy to report most of my psychology books came in and i have already started reading them. YAY FOR LEARNING! Big shout out to amazon.com for being so cool as to list great books for cheap..im finding 200 dollar textbooks for 15 dollars or less on there and that just rocks. Ebay can suck it.
Every morning i go onto the website i work and look at other girls in their chatrooms,trying to find a girl who is not only atractive but has severe game and is pulling shows..and im sad to say its REALLY hard to find such a girl..alot of girls are pretty but their game tactics are lame as hell. They are boring and some are even whiny or bitchy..so sad.
Havent seen "r" on in about a week...he must be really busy.
Talked to a friend of mine "m" and the conversation turned a bit awkward...he has been going through a period of feeling VERY lonley and frustrated because he has a great job,lives in a beachhouse and yet no one to share all that goodness with..and during our conversation he kept dropping hints that he wanted me to be with him....AWKWARD ALERT! I politely informed him that i loved him as a buddy but didnt have feelings for him like that. Sucks to have to hurt someone like that but i would rather be honest then not say anything and let someone get ideas and feelings in their head and for both of those things to grow out of control. He is the second person to come forward and offer a place to be if i decided to leave my marriage..but,just like the first person "e" ,there are emotions involved and it would become uncomfortable and messy so its not an option for me at all. I am more of a loner type anyway...i like my privacy and space..i have never done the whole roommate thing nor do i think i would be good at it. Most people annoy the shit out of me. What can i say..im a crab ass old lady lol. Am i annoyed that the two people who have stepped up and offered a way out of my unhappiness unfortinately are wrapped around me? god yes...it IS annoying. Why is it that people i am not attracted to and dont feel a connection with get emotionally wrapped around me or try to wrap around me and the one person i feel a connection with.."r" ....he doesnt...i guess we are both damaged goods...ruined for love because its left such a bad taste in both our mouths.
Now lets get to the title of the blog.
My husband has big dreams of being a successful rock musician..he wants to be rich and famous and be on a stage somewhere and everywhere. Problem is,he has set himself up for failure in two ways 1) first off,basing his happiness on money...if he has alot hes happy..if hes not got alot hes depressed,cranky and upset and down on himself. If you have such a life where you have just enough to keep your head above water but not enough to save or play with,that means you will ALWAYS be upset,and he is. In my view,he should be grateful for what he has...a nice place to live,a car to drive,pretty wife...he doesnt look at any of that as a blessing...and therefore the blessings that come his way are few and far between. If you do not feel thankful for what you have then no more will come or very little. 2) The dream of being a rock star...he is only going halfway with me...guitars and equipment,good looks,knowledge about things...all check...but he isnt promoting himself in every way he can and getting a fan base nor selling merchndise..he is AWOL on the business end and so he is doomed to be a livingroom rock star forever if he doesnt take an active roll in getting his name out there. He could be the next steve vai but no one is ever going to know that so long as he plays alone in his livingroom and no one knows he exists. ...so....lets recap. He is one of those people that his happiness is based around money and he doesnt have alot most of the time and he has a dream he isnt going after which causes his depression..Double failure.
Meanwhile...on the wifes side of the fence
I am grateful for what i have and i have a dream now of being a psychologist...a career i can be proud of,away from the adult industry,and i can do what i love...HELP PEOPLE..money was not the driving factor for wanting to be a psychologist..i want to help people and i feel thats a good way to do it. I dont care if it takes all my life,im going for it. If you have a dream and it matters to you then you find whatever way and means to bring it about..I am using every resourse..looking in thrift stores for psychology books..buying books off of amazon for much cheaper then ebay..im getting my education started. I am persuing my dream..i want to see its fruition.
My huabands dream is not my dream nor do i know if his will ever come true...its not for me to decide. I have a dream that is mine and i have to go for it. His destiny is his own. You either talk the game or play the game...right now hes just talking. We will see what happens.